I build my walls up so high that I can't even feel love anymore


I must say my 2011 was like a roller coaster ride.

I worried about college, I worked for the first time as a part-time promoter and whined about it, I became really interested in English, I bought myself a smartphone with my salary (and then I went broke) and named it Jumbo, I joined an awesome youth website which I made RM147.40 and won a RM500 shopping voucher through it, I got fed up with Facebook and addicted to Twitter (that's right), I stopped working after 3 months and still insisted on deciding my own future (you should too!), I attempted to draw Johnny Depp twice and failed both times, I realised I was losing friends (who needs fake friends anyway?), I fell in love with Hurts and got to know a fucking ton of fabulous HurtsBitches, I did a Theo drawing on a Sunday (that was on purpose), I got into photography, blogging and fashion, I found an art college and moved away from home (and I hardly ever go back to my parents'), I regretted attending boring meetings, I stressed about art assignments, relationships, etc (like other college students), I gave up on my crush, I got my second job and moved into my new apartment, I suffered (and still am) from severe sore throat and cough, I had a mini heart attack checking my first semester's result (I'll tell you the story before long)...

Okay, I admit I'm lazy as fuck, I was just looking through my 2011 blog posts and listing down all these. But hey, isn't that what a blog for?

Let's get serious, I hated 2011, mainly because of college, which made it a horrible year to me. I lost faith in humanity after surviving high school, I became even insecure living in a new city. I can't convince myself I can trust people around me, especially when they're new to me.

You will never cope with new people easily. You don't know them, they don't know you. If you call a 2-month new friend your bff, stop lying to yourself, you guys are probably enemies.

It's how strangers try to act like they know you that pisses me off, but I just can't be bothered to correct their misconceptions about me, as I see it as a comedy. You see, I don't like to talk a lot, (apparently I've been talking a lot and I clearly don't like my nosyself), I find myself rarely bitch about people I dislike behind their back just to make more people hate them and that's an absolute real achievement I'm really proud of.

Another common thing I had been seeing in 2011 is that people getting unfair judgement from jerks who never put themselves in others' shoes. I can't bring myself to respect people who judge and spread false rumours around. You wouldn't want to be judged, it's awful. I can't commit to say I never judge anyone but I try not to, and at least when I do, I keep those secrets to myself, thus causing no harm.

As much as I wish this past year wasn't so tough and complicated, I'm certain I actually had some wonderful times and those when Dad paid for new things for me were the ones to be cherished and appreciated. I miss Daddy's hugs.




I apologise if my rant doesn't make sense. I just threw everything in my mind into this post.
Please excuse the uninteresting firework in the photo - it's the best I could come up with.

I wish 2012 to be a joyful one for all of us in the world!


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